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People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
āIā before āEā especially after āPā. Mmmm pie
Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it`s a good morning for a few minutes.
Helping my kid study for her geology exam, and apparently `hard` `classic` and `punk` are not the 3 different types of rock.
Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
I don`t think the guy below me understands how this works.
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
Volleyball = A more intense version of don`t let the balloon hit the floor.
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!