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I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Business Plan: 1. Hold sign that says "Free Hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
I thought I was on the cash cab show! But turns out I was in a police car and cops hate trivia.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
Dear YouTube, I will always “Skip this ad.”
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.
going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug