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One quality I`m not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm. #FarmVille
Dear food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.
There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
I’m sad when my food is over.
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
Inventor of camping: "Hey, let`s go pretend to be homeless."
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
If you don’t like my sense of humor please tell me… so I can laugh at you!
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.