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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
I`m at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don`t think of until too late
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.