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I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That`s not lazy, that`s proactive.
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they say "to boldly go where no one has gone before", when they get there, they always meet someone?
Life`s too short for Salad..............
Some days should come with a warning label: This day is going to suck, bring alcohol.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.
Notice how writers don’t rewrite books, how about we stop remaking movies.