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If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and texted me 3 days later asking if I have a girlfriend yet.
The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
You’re not in a serious relationship until he leaves you in a room alone with his phone.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
Find someone who is honest, laughs when you make fun of them, and then give each other orgasms.
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
When asked how I take my coffee, I reply with, "Seriously. Very seriously."
*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned.