Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
I hate it when people like their own statuses * At this point you like your status for dramatic effect*
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
Bitch, you`re just like monday, nobody likes you -_-
Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
I noticed you’re not yourself today. I really like it.