Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My internet was down for almost 4 mins, I’m ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
Beer is like sex. When it’s good it’s good…when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.
? Taken ? Single ? So sexy that they’re all scared to go out with me.
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.
We`re all just nudists in disguise...
You`re about as deep as a kiddies splash-pool..
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.