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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
If you never jumped from couch to couch as kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
Home is where the pants aren`t.
I never tell god how big my problems ,,, I tell my problems how big my god is
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
This Status Update could be yours for six Easy Payments of $19.99
Dear penis, thanks for not bleeding once a month. Sincerely, every man ever.
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
be smart, pretend to be stupid!
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.