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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
Behind every beautiful woman, is a beautiful behind.
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
Why do they have “limited edition” scented candles? Are there crazy people collecting these things?
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
Whenever I think of a funny status I always get a pen and write it down so I can use it later, and if the pen is too far away I just convince myself that it wasn’t that funny anyway.
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.