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I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that`s my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
I liked you better before we met.
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
They say I have a drinking problem. I say they have a problem with nudity.
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know