Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You’re not really living if you don’t have an arch-nemesis.
What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
I hope this guy at the urinal next to me can see that I`m checking Facebook and not taking pictures.
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
Whoever said "nothing is impossible" never tried to nail JELL-O to a tree.
"Hey homie!" - How I greet my house whenever I arrive.
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
Why do single women take dating advice from other single women? That`s like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles.
Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally