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Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
My girlfriend said she wasn`t impressed and felt she needed a man with at least 6 inches. So I folded it in half.
I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
Real friends show me their boobs
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
I`m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand
If you want to pick up girls ....Keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”