Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I`ve ever been asked.
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
There is no "we" in "bacon", so don`t even ask.
Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
I cannot turn water into wine but, I can turn ice cream into breakfast so that’s pretty neat.
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.