Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I break wind in my sleep.
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
It’s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
When you`re down about your body image just type "fat people" into Google images, always makes me feel better!:)
Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
My Wife asked, "Would you like a romantic interlude?" I said, "Does a bear crap in the woods?". Wish I`d just said `Yes`, she`s been on Google ever since.