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I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.
Next time you think life`s not fair..think of this x large clothes cost $2 more than large so why doesn`t small cost $2 less ? Being fat ....now that`s unfair
therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?
You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
Social networking sites is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves
50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
90% of the apps on my phone don’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
Better late than pregnant.
There is nothing worse then trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.