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Put that down you fat piece of sh!t` - the title of the dieting book I`m writing.
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
You know that 200-foot high expansion bridge you drove over today? Just remember that it was built by the lowest bidder.
Apparently everyone was too high in the 70`s when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
ATMs should have built in breathalyzers. I would save so much money.