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I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of a plane
That awkward moment when you get in the van... And there`s no candy.
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
I wouldn`t want lesbian parents. Not because I`m homophobic. I just don`t want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
roses are red, violets are blue, god made everyone beautiful, what the hell happened to you?
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?