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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
does anyone know if smurfs are gluten free
I’m too young to be too old for everything.
Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.
Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He`s obviously an undercover cop.
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
These bar stools are creaky!! [continues to fart on first date]
Having kids puts a new perspective on life.
How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time?
I don’t drink to forget, I… what was I saying?