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Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
Pro tip: when you`re watching a show like "my five wives" with your wife, don`t suggest potential additional wives.
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
Sometimes I think I`m a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.
I wonder how many messengers were killed before they came up with the saying.
I`m getting sick of these porn sites listing my videos as "amateur".
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.