Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.
I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations.
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
So my friend is mad at me because I slept with her ex. Her instructions were very clear when they broke up, she said "F*ck that guy!"
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................
I walked into SeaWorld with a fishing pole once. I gotta tell ya, those security guards can really run.
My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
I once bought shoes in China that said "made around the corner"
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
The only reason any of us can spell laboratory is because of Dexter.