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I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.
Today is Valentine’s Day or as I call it… Tuesday.
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because... Their condoms are made in China.
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes
I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you cant have anymore food and im just never ready for that kind of commitment
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.