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Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
And we all have that one friend who has more blonde moments than an actual blonde.
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
I`m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
The "I got your nose" game is fun to play with kids, but try it on the pharmacist at Target & she`ll call security.
Even though I`m only 29, I know I`m going to die a bitter, lonely, miserable old man ... I`m married.
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
I’m planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
Most of my colleagues and friends can`t spell colleagues or friends.
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.
If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me.