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If I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
Laxatives............for people who don`t give a crap.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
Was just thinking …. What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?
Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
Maybe if I tilt my head to the side I can understand English – dogs
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
Sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.` ... what, am I supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
You’re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)