Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
I walked into a bar in my pirate suit and a ships wheel in my pants.... The bartender asked... "Why do you have a wheel in your pants"? I replied "Argh.. it`s driving me nuts".
Procrastination comes to those who wait.
Where do I see myself in 5 years? May 2019. Next question.
This year for Lent I`m giving up hanging out with all the people who gave up drinking for Lent.
My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn`t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
Helping my kid study for her geology exam, and apparently `hard` `classic` and `punk` are not the 3 different types of rock.
Leaving the house on a Monday morning would be so much cooler if someone would yell "Aaaaand Action!" as I walk out the door.
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops