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So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
I hate Cheetos stains on my peignoir.........
If I am home alone, there`s a 99% chance I`m naked.
If I drank, I`d have a lot funnier status updates on Facebook than I do now. Well, at least I`d think they were funnier.
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
"I`m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back." ----people in wheelchairs probably
My Facebook movie is already in the dollar bin at Walmart.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
If my walls could talk, they`d probably say "stop running into me you idiot"
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.