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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
My wife and I are dieting now… and by dieting, I mean we’re not telling each other about the junk food we eat.
Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
My wife sure is picky for someone who married me.
Without facebook: more sleep, less drama, and a life!
lifes a laugh, start living it!
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
"That`s close enough..." ~Government worker
Remember, life isn`t about accumulating stuff. It`s about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.