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wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
MISSED CONNECTION: I gave you the Heimlich maneuver on Maine St. You insisted you weren’t choking and put up a good fight.
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
I`m more confused than a valet parking attendant at a Mary Kay convention.
United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.
Relationships are like bathrooms. I`m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I`m playing on my phone the whole time.
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there’s no more soda?
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
My IQ? ... With google or without?
I test drove a car last month. Apparently, you`re not supposed to keep the car for a month. At least that what this cop is telling me.