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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
A wise man, will often say nothing
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
Is it wrong to put leftover Halloween candy in their Easter baskets?
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
Every time a clerk asks "Did you find everything you need?" I always answer "No, I couldn`t find a hug"
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
Dora the explorer.... Y U NO GET GPS?
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
Me: Mom...Dad. I`ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.