Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
There`s no life problem that a good "F*ck this shit" can`t solve.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say “Give me the dumbest thing you can think of.”
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
Gift cards are still the best way to say "I`m too lazy to think of a good gift and I think you`ll buy drugs if I give you cash."
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
When your feeling down, I will be there to feel you up. ;)
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.