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Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
I always get naked before I get in bed so I don`t know why this lady at Sears is giving me a dirty look in the mattress section.
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
Whenever I see a happy couple.... smiling, giggling, feeding each other food, whispering sweet nothings, very much in love..... I just wish I could give them a lie-detector test.
I hope that man who was walking in memphis found out the way he really felt
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
I want you to know that whatever problems you`re having, I`m here to read about it on Facebook
Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!
I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!