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I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
The loudest possible way to open a bag of chips is to try and do it quietly.
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
There`s never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself " thank god the cops are here"
Running feels great unless you compare it to not running
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
My Hamster passed today, he fell asleep at the wheel.
I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.
It`s always the rednecks that know all the inner most conspiracies of the government.
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.