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Show me in the employee handbook where it says I have to like you. Go on, I`ll wait.
That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But Iām skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
I`ve decided that from now on I`m going to answer every question like a presidential candidate. It`s kind of fun...
"Dean, what are you doing this weekend?"
"That`s a great question -- and an important one. And I WILL do something this weekend. But let me take a step back, and answer a broader question. What are we ALL doing this weekend? As a nation? As a world? This weekend, I will do something comprehensive and robust, yet fun. We all should."
"But what are you doing?"
"What I`m g
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...