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I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
Gift cards are still the best way to say "I`m too lazy to think of a good gift and I think you`ll buy drugs if I give you cash."
I wish conversations were like user agreements, where I could skip to the end and just agree.
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
u cant spell awesome without me
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
Curling irons have a warning tag that says “For External Use Only.” Which of you sick mofos made that necessary?
"Are u going to the circus?" is a perfectly good sentence when not used as a follow-up 2 your wife`s question: "how does my make-up look?"