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"Waiter, I`d like to send this back" -m`am, I believe that`s your husband.
Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.
After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. At least for the pictures...
Everyday I’m shoveling. – Winter 2014
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing next to you right now, and you`d have no Idea...
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it.
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
Sorry I got really drunk and ended up being really mouthy and offensive at your party next week.