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If I like you, I’ll let you hold the TV remote when we watch TV. If I love you, I won’t take the batteries out of it beforehand.
why earn money when it comes easier when you just ask
I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids.
Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.
STD`s aren`t like pokémon, your not suppose to catch`em all!