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Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
Just burned 2000 calories. That`s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
How strange, some guy just waved half of a peace sign at me...
YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is not a good thing to say to your boss.
Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF