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I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?
OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is talking back right now.
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. A broken heart makes you wiser. And alcohol makes you not remember any of that sh!t.
Iām actually not funny. Iām just really mean & people think Iām joking.
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that Iām right.
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.