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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
You could give me 45 years to do homework and I still wouldn’t do it until the night before.
Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?