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I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they`re stabbing it? No? How about now?
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
I need to find new reward systems besides beer and chocolate.
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.