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I have an inferiority complex, but it`s not a very good one.
I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
Wine doesn`t have many vitamins. That`s why you have to drink a lot of it.
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
How do I tell a man he loves me?
My chiropractor just told me that I`m well adjusted. See? Not everyone thinks I`m a total weirdo...
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
After Monday and Tuesday... even the week says WTF!
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.