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How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
I`ve got this great new drinking game where you take a shot every time you want to get more drunk.
It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
It`s so frustrating when your hitman doesn`t answer the phone after you`ve made amends with someone
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
Nice try speed bumps, it`s a rental.
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."