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I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
I don`t know where the saying "working like a dog" got started but I`m looking at my dogs daily routine feeling pretty jealous myself.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
This post is just for you.
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn`t want to hear. "Who was that?"
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
My boss yelled at me yesterday "It`s the fifth time you`ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!" I said, "Probably that it`s Friday?"…
I feel like a nickle in the March of Dimes.