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I’m single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.
Waking up an hour early gives you an extra hour to wish you were still in bed.
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
Why would I dance like nobody`s watching? People need to see this.
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
Don`t hate me because I`m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
I get my: Cereal from a tiger, Insurance from a gecko, Toilet paper from a bear, Financial advice from a gorilla. It`s people I don`t trust.