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Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
I just got kicked out of the Zoo! How was I supposed to know that real hippos don`t actually eat marbles?
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.
I don`t drink to feel better about myself. I drink to feel better about being with you