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Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
My favorite part of the movie The Notebook is where I turned it off and watched Terminator 2 instead.
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice!
Relationships always start out as "You`re smart and funny." and end up as "You think you know everything and it`s all a joke to you!"
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
"Well that can`t be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
My blood hound was just attacked by a Crip hound.
ever wonder if one day somebody will come knocking on your door and say “Hey we have 7 mutual friends on Facebook, can I come in?"
Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to `Toys For Tots` before you`re eligible for an Xbox?
Why is it Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he got out of the shower?