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Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off.
I`m at my most judgmental when standing behind someone in a buffet line.
Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?
As i get older i realize I do a LOT more YOGA...attempting to tie my shoelaces
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a supervillain.