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Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
Scientists have discovered that at least 50 percent of fat people’s BMI is made up of excuses...
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
My therapist just offered me my money back.
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
Little known fact: Walt Disney was the inventor of modern day text talk "M - I - C... C u real soon... K - E - Y... Y? Because we like u"
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.