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Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
What do you call a dog with no hind legs? Dragon Balls.
*breaking news music plays* Last thought of the night: Why is now everyone talkin` bout "twerkin`"? Man, that shyt been `round since the days of Hammer pants and spandex shorts!!!!
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
Inspirational status of the day: Don`t be a douche.
“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
Statement: "Do you really love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find out sooner or later."
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.