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It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
The best way to scare a man is to use the urinal stall next to him. This works exceptionally well if you are a woman.
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
I dare you to spit on this status.
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
Wow, I didn`t know my ex was into orgies until I saw the ad on Craig`s list I just posted.
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
Subway only exists because we`re all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. "Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here`s $8."