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I just realized that if we drink enough wine, the adult`s table will become the kid`s table.
Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, you know you have small boobs
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
Sweating is for people who do stuff.