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Me, watching the Olympics: "That was impressive." Announcer: "ANOTHER DISASTROUS MISTAKE!"
word of the day: nincomtard
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
Mondays should start at noon.
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
When I was six, my dad threw me into the pool thinking I would instantly learn to swim. I probably would if it had water in it.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
What’s a drunken pirates worst nightmare? A sunken booty with no chest.
I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
If the shoe fits . . . buy one in every color
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.