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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
Just quit my job so I can spend more quality time giving out candy crush extra lives.
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
I think...therefore, I am.....single
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
Bitch, you`re just like monday, nobody likes you -_-
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
Whenever I drive past the psychic’s empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.