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I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
Big shoutout to whoever decided the ? and ! should be next to each other on an iPhone. That typo hasn’t made me look insane 10,000 times.
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
I`m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am.
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.