Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
I`ve discovered I own five umbrellas, if anyone wants to stage a musical number.
Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
Don`t run with scissors -- unless you`re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
Talk to me long enough and you`ll realize why I`m single.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
Defies physics: I eat half a pound of food, `purge` 1 pound of it, and then gain five pounds because of it-- WTF?
I`m that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me... And apologize for after.