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*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
Iām pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
So the state trooper said "I`ve been following you with my lights flashing for three miles. Why didn`t you pull over?" and I said "Well, a few years ago my wife ran away with a state trooper and I was worried that you were trying to return her."
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
If only my goals were to be poor, lazy and out of shape.
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.