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If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
It`s weird how in England the passenger drives the car
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We`ll see about that.
I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.
Coffee keeps me busy until it`s time to be drunk.
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.
So... Where does one obtain minions?
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
When my dog sniffs another dog’s poop I can only assume that it’s their equivalent to checking a friend’s facebook page.
USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails.