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Don’t text and drive. You don’t want “lol” to be the last thing you say before you die.
It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
"With a stroke of a pen your name can live on forever in a quote!... Unknown,
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.