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real eyes realize real lies
I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
There’s a limit of how close you should be to another man when taking a selfie.
This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
It`s not their fault, per se, but at some point, Crayola has to be held responsible for continuing to make crayons nostril-width.
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
Be careful when you`re watching a movie with your wife. You`re gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
I`m thinking one of us should probably break the news to the phone book makers that there`s this thing called Google now
I don`t fear death... It happens to everyone. I just hope when I am dead and buried, I don`t vote Democrat.
I hate it when I meow at cats and they don`t meow back. Unbelievably rude
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen