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Pizza is my favorite winter activity
Relationship status: Don`t tell me to calm down! You called a stormtrooper a robot!
Silence is Golden, except when coming from children… Then you’d better go check to see what’s broken.
Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
Iron Man is a superhero. Iron woman is a command.
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
I put the hot in psychotic.
I will pay good money to anyone who can take me from work, make it look like an abduction and tuck me back into bed.
facebook is the only book we read everyday.
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
These Jehovah`s Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.