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Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you`ll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
I don’t trust joggers, it’s a little too convenient that they are always the ones to discover dead bodies.
OK. If you`re so smart, what`s the answer to this question?
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
Being a Zombie doesn`t sound that bad. You don`t have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"